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| I woke up early this morning feeling anxious. I had a dream my mom died. It felt so real that I had to go check on her when I woke up. So strange. I don't think I've ever felt such anticipation about going some place. Rae and I leave in a few hours on an adventurous 2-day train ride that will bring us to Toronto (nearly there...). Every plan I made for our stay in Toronto has fallen through and no hostel nearby has room in the inn for us. Dear God(ess). <sigh> This may turn out to be one of my greatest adventures yet. :) Our goal is to get to our farm family (that's what I call them) on Monday some time. We have to. Tuesday is Canada Day. :) I'm afraid I've packed far too much. I don't know. It seems like alot. And I think the extra weight of my favorite kids books and art supplies may not help. :) They have kids. I think six. But we shall see. I will be trapsing all over Chicago and Buffalo between trains. That should be entertaining. I have a few things left to pack. Double-checking my list...for my terribly rotten memory. Hurray to new adventures and not knowing where you're sleeping and riding on a train for the first time and seeing old friends and making new family and learning how to grow things and having fun with kids and hopefully breathing cleaner air and feeling more sun on my starved face. | | |
| It has been months...many...since I last posted on here. I won't dare to say I'm back. I think for the most part I've let go of all this little journal has held for me.
I've been wearing alot of purple. More than usual. I researched this and found a direct association with leaning about one's spirituality and concept of the Divine. Interesting.
Right now I'm sitting in the art building at AU...it's a little after 3 am. I've been working for hours on a wood block. A map. I'm finally mapping. really mapping.
I'm also training to be a Doula and creating more often and reading and practicing saying "no" and "yes" and most of all following my gut more than I ever have before...in EVERY part of life.
I created a little shrine yesterday. If I died tomorrow, I would be at peace knowing that I have oddly documented in this way...the person I have been, are now, and who I desire to be.
And I'm telling stories more and more...like an precious, ancient woman.
And the letting go...the healing continues... | | |
| in response to my last post (almost TWO months ago)... after the many rough 'deaths' that have filled my life the past several months...I'm beginning to hope again for New Life... | | |
| "We have erroneously been trained to accept a broken form of one of the most profound and basic aspects of the wild nature. We have been taught that death is always followed by more death. It is simply not so, death is always in the process of incubating new life, even when one's existence has been cut down to the bones. Much of our knowledge of the Life/Death/Life nature is contaminated by our fear of death. Therefore our abilities to move with the cycles of this nature are quite frail. These forces do not "do something" to us. They are not theives who rob us of the things we cherish. This nature is not a hit-and-run driver who smashes what we value. No, no, the Life/Death/Life forces are part of our own nature, part of an inner authority that knows the steps, knows the dance of Life and Death. It is composed of the aspects of ourselves who know when something can, should, and must be born and when it must die." -women who run with the wolves | | |
| Callie has an appointment next week to see the cancer doctor... and so we continue to wait. | | |
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